There are several famous psychological stories:
A girl quarreled with her mother and ran away from home, cold and hungry. The owner of the noodle stall cooked a bowl of noodles for her for free.
The girl said, we never know each other, you are so kind to me, my mother is different, she scolds me all day long.
The boss said, I just cooked a bowl of noodles for you, you will be grateful, your mother has cooked for you for more than ten years, but you have not been moved?
Two couples, one girl receives roses every day, the other only receives roses on Valentine's Day.
Because of the different frequency and timing, the attitudes of the two girls are diametrically opposed.
On Valentine's Day, the first girl just raised her eyes and said discontentedly that other people's flowers were much more beautiful than mine.
And the second girl was ecstatic.
What is the relationship between these stories?
They all insinuate the same psychological effect, Bayer's law.
After strong, persistent, long-term love, you will take it for granted, or even feel insipid.
A popular explanation is that the closer people are, the less they can see his goodness.
Zhang ailing is probably the first person to translate Beber's law into literary language. The theory of red rose and white rose is an eternal classic in the hearts of countless people:
Marry the red rose, over time, the red one becomes a touch of mosquito blood on the wall, and the white one is the bright moonlight in front of the bed.
If you marry a white rose, the white one is a grain of rice sticky on your clothes, while the red one is a cinnabar mole on your heart.
What is in front of you is never as good as what is far away, and those who are close can never compare with those who are strange.
This is the true meaning of Berber's law: after a strong stimulus, the general stimulus has left people indifferent.
This is why we are often grateful for the small favours of strangers, while the people around us who are often kind to you turn a blind eye to them.
In the novel Wang Gui and Anna, the country bumpkin Wang Gui and Anna, who has a serious petty bourgeoisie complex, are a couple.
Once, Anna was sick, and her first lover, a turbine driver, came to visit her home.
While chatting with Anna, she kneaded the oranges in her hand like a Taiji map, then stopped, picked up a fruit knife, cut a flower-like lid, inserted a straw, and let Anna drink.
Anna sucked the orange juice with the temperature of the turbine driver and burst into tears.
Anna sighed in her heart that this man was as meticulous and tender as he had been for more than 20 years. After so many years, she still remembered that she could not eat cold fruit with stomach trouble, and even warmed up with her hands.
At this time, look at the Wang Gui around you, no matter how you look at it, you don't feel happy, you don't understand romance, you don't know how to be careful, you don't look at people, and you don't care about people, just like abacus beads.
At this moment, the rough man Wang Gui, who does not know what sentiment is all his life, is simply not comparable to the elegant and considerate turbine driver.
Anna often uses this matter to run against Wang Gui:
If you are not as considerate as others, they will know to warm the oranges before giving them to me.
Daughter angry, asked Anna, my father's kindness to you, you have become a habit, a broken orange, worthy of your sigh like this?
Or Anna's daughter can see through: what is romance? Romance is rare, it is rare.
Wang Gui picked up Anna to and from work every day for half her life, but Anna turned a blind eye; the turbine driver rubbed an orange for her, and she remembered it for 10 years.
Someone has done such an experiment in which a person holds a weight of 300 grams in his right hand, and he will not feel the difference when he holds a weight of 305 grams in his left hand.
If the right hand is 600 grams, then the weight of the left hand must reach 612 grams to feel the weight.
The heavier the weight, the more amount must be added to feel the difference.
In other words, Wang Gui's daily care is not as exciting as the freshness and excitement of his first love every 20 years.
This is not the fault of first love, but the feeling that the taste buds are weak.
When the goodness of the people around you has become a habit, when consideration is too dense, when two people are too familiar with each other, it is like automatic invisibility.
It's obviously around, but it's hard for us to see.
Maybe the other person's level of love has never decreased, but our inner sensitivity has increased.
The film "Charlotte annoyance", dismantled from a psychological point of view, is actually the illusion that the protagonist Charlotte created because of Berber's law.
He could not see the kindness of his wife Ma Dongmei, his wife's tolerance for him, and his great contribution to the family.
Charlotte's eyes are full of complaints, Ma Dongmei is not feminine, the figure is not good, the face is not high, does not know how to be romantic.
Others love roses, but Ma Dongmei only buys sunflowers, not for the moral of the sun forever, just to eat.
Know that cooking fennel noodles, taste big and bad, too vulgar, too unfeminine, these have become the source of his dislike of Ma Dongmei.
It was not until she went back to the past, achieved fame, got her beauty, and saw that Ma Dongmei had married someone else that Charlotte finally remembered the kindness of her former wife.
The bowl of lingering fennel noodles is now fragrant, and so many glass jars are full of beauty like wind chimes.
I always thought that my ideal was to stay away from you, but I didn't know until the day I lost that that my ideal is actually you.
It turns out that the price of a newspaper for 1 yuan has gone up to 10 yuan, but you are too angry to buy any more.
While the price of a 10,000-yuan computer increases by 100 yuan, you happily pay out of your pocket.
When we spend 9 yuan and 100 yuan, we choose the latter. Why on earth?
Berber's law tells us that the first big stimulus can dilute the second small stimulus.
The same principle, the person who loves you most regardless of return, day after day to pay, you pretend to ignore, passers-by An a light words, but can make us deeply grateful.
Marriage is like this, isn't it true for parents?
You just bury your head in your mobile phone, grabbing a few cents of red envelopes, wanting to kowtow and kneel in the group.
The other end casually took the thick wad of money handed by his parents without even a word of thanks.
At this end, I feel that my parents' nagging is superfluous, but the next second, it is warm all day because of an ordinary colleague.
We often regard the concern of the people who love you as a common occurrence, but regard the casual words of passers-by as the whole table.
If Berber's law is compared to a whistle, then most people in the world will hear the whistle more than once in their lives.
Since we are destined to be around with Beber's law, what attitude should we take to accompany it for the rest of our lives?
Happiness can be achieved by those who can discover Beber's law early and understand it well.
In "Wrestling, Dad", the two daughters get up for exercise before dawn every morning and are forced to practice wrestling. They are laughed at by the whole school, and they can't even play as much as they can at their classmates' weddings.
They are full of aversion to their father, they hate being supervised every day, and they often have all kinds of small temper.
But such resentment finally dissipated in the words of the classmates.
When their classmates are married to people they don't know at all and can't see the future and light, they find their father's good.
And their father, in order that they can have a good future, in every dark morning, exercise with them.
Every time they are laughed at, there is a father to resist the criticism of the whole world for them. The father, who has been disliked and rejected around him, is the best person to himself.
The two sisters finally understood their father's love and their father's painstaking efforts.
They regrouped, with their father's love and expectations, all the way through, beat the boys, beat themselves, and finally participated in the Olympic Games, won a medal.
The existence of Berber's law is to remind us:
The poems and distances you have always longed for may be at your feet
You've been searching and walking around, and true love is right next to you.
Zhang Xiaoxian said, "Why don't we always cherish our predecessors?"
Because we thought that there would always be a reunion, there was always a chance to meet again, and there was always a chance to say sorry.
But never thought, every wave goodbye may be goodbye, every sigh, may be the last sigh in the world.
Therefore, take your eyes back from afar, spend more time with the people around you, show them your smiling face and patience, and may reap unexpected surprises.
In "the Road few people take," Skoomik said:
Life is really short, far from as long as we think, and never far away, so it doesn't prevent you from being nice to those who love you and to yourself.
If you don't have time to love in this life, don't expect to meet again in the next life.
Most of the time, we ignore, we ignore, because we have a confidence in our subconscious:
Lovers will not be far away, parents will not be angry, friends will not go away, time can not take everything away.
The truth is, because of our inaction, our loved ones may be far away, our parents may be sad, our friends may be far away, and time will really take away everything.
There is no shortage of love in the world, but the lack of eyes to find love.
Find that love is the same rare ability as loving others.
People who do not have this special power go around all their lives, but they feel that they are far away from happiness when they are in the blessings; they feel that they lack love all their lives and do not know that love is around them.
Don't let the inertia of your feelings blind your eyes.
Don't let those who really love you chill their hearts.
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