01
Recently, another buzzword appeared on the Internet, called fake corpse parenting, which poked the tears of many middle-aged mothers, and many mothers called it too heartbreaking.
Deceptive parenting is different from widowed marriage. Widowed marriage shows that the husband is completely invisible, and he can come home late for a variety of reasons, do not accompany the children, and do not participate in housework.
If my wife protested a few words, he could prevaricate with one word. I want to earn money to support my family, so I don't have time to do housework with my children.
And fraudulent cadaver parenting, the biggest feature is that the father is a pig teammate, he is absent from the child's life has become normal, but also from time to time to take a bubble, pretending to be a competent father.
For example, he will say, why is the child sick again? why don't you put on more clothes for him? Why can't the child's academic performance go up? How did the child's eyesight decline again?
Invisible father when asking these, that posture is like a sudden check of the leader, in addition to blame is complaining, without a trace of understanding and tolerance.
This is the way of fraudulent cadaver parenting, not taking care of their own children, and not accustomed to wife parenting. It not only affects the parent-child relationship, but also affects the relationship between husband and wife.
After classmate Xiaojuan gave birth to her second child, her husband Wang Yang moved directly to the guest room to sleep and completely became a shopkeeper.
Xiaojuan not only has to do all the housework, but also holds Xiao Bao to pick up Dabao from school, and then tutoring Dabao while breastfeeding.
Then holding the baby in one hand and keeping the lunch warm with the electric cooker in the other, Wang Yang hid in the study to cheat the corpse. No matter how Xiaojuan called him to hug Xiao Bao, he just ignored it.
Wait until dinnertime, Wang Yang will come out, while looking at the mobile phone, while eating, regardless of the children's affairs.
Xiaojuan told Wang Yang not to play with her cell phone and chat with her children about her study. Wang Yang blew her beard and stared and roared. I was so tired at work. I wanted to relax when I came back. Don't bother me!
One day, when Xiaojuan was changing her homework for Dabao, the sleeping Xiaobao turned over and fell into bed, crying with pain. Wang Yang began to blame Xiaojuan again. How did you become a mother? you have no sense of responsibility at all!
In the dead of night, Xiaojuan sat there alone in a daze after putting the child to bed.
Over the years, Xiaojuan took care of the children's life alone, devoted herself to the family, in return for the contempt of her husband and her mother-in-law.
Xiaojuan said that she is now experiencing three torments: asexual marriage, widowed marriage and fake corpse parenting, but what pains her most is fraudulent corpse parenting, which is seriously lacking in fatherly love, which is not conducive to the growth of children.
02
There is a question on Zhihu: why men don't want to go home the first time after work, but prefer to sit quietly in the car for an hour.
This question resonates with many men, who feel that they work so hard and don't want to hear the nagging of their wives, the crying of their children, and the trivialities of housework when they get home.
He just wants to digest the pressure outside by himself and give his family a smile when he gets home.
As a woman, I can understand the pressure of men fighting outside, but I think a man who doesn't come home after work for various reasons is a kind of fake corpse.
If a man can get home immediately after work, accompany his children to do homework, have a heart-to-heart talk, help his wife cook and wash dishes, and talk about the current situation, it will be better than being alone in the car.
I remember an emotional program in which the husband's way to work was very close to the children's kindergarten, so the wife asked her husband to get up five minutes early every day to take his children to school.
The husband disagreed, and he would rather sleep for five more minutes than send his children to school. In desperation, my wife had to carry Xiao Bao on her back and take Dabao to school by bus for a long time. She was very tired every time.
Later, when Xiao Bao was ill, the wife asked her husband to take the children to school while he was at work. The husband reluctantly sent the children to school. As a result, he was late and was fined 50 yuan.
When he came back, the husband scolded his wife for being too selfish. The wife said he would not be late as long as he got up five minutes earlier. The couple got into a big fight, and the husband accused his wife of being unvirtuous. which family is not the mother to take care of the children?
According to the comments of the emotional mentor, a man always ignores his children on the grounds of his career and leaves the whole family to his wife. The family belongs to two people, and the children belong to two people, so how can everyone come without a small family?
The whole audience burst into warm applause and the woman shed tears of grievance.
Men are always used to making a clear distinction between family and career, thinking that women should have a good sense of housekeeping, and men only need to make money to support their families.
The problem is that most men do not have the ability to support their families on their own, resulting in many women having to support their families as well as taking care of their children and families.
While men often cheat corpses, parenting can not be expected at all, children's parent-teacher meetings, various holidays, he is often absent.
In the child's heart, the father has become the child's most familiar stranger, his eyes seem to be only work and mobile phones, his wife and children have become backup.
03
Sun Yunxiao, chief expert on family education at the China Youth Research Center, believes that parents should have a natural division of labor because of their different physiological characteristics: mothers have an advantage in intimacy with their children, while fathers have an advantage in cultivating their children's independence.
In the period of infants and young children, the mother should give priority to the care and upbringing of the mother, but from the beginning of the child's school, the proportion of the father's upbringing and instruction should gradually increase; to the middle school period, the father's education of the child should exceed that of the mother.
In China, fraudulent cadaver parenting has become the norm, whether it is a children's park or various tutoring classes, fathers have become scarce creatures.
Most of the children follow their mother to play with various interest classes and cram schools, and teachers are used to communicating with their mothers.
Experts point out that a child's growth without the participation of his father will be more than three times more difficult to manage than other children when he reaches the rebellious period.
Once upon a time, I wrote an article calling on fathers to spend more time with their children, and many fathers left messages saying that if you want to work and earn money, you don't have time to spend time with your children.
In fact, whether a person has time or not mainly depends on whether he has the heart or not. when he has two hours a day to play with his mobile phone, he will certainly be able to squeeze out an hour to spend with his children.
Obama once said in a statement: as a father of two daughters, I know that being a father is one of the most important jobs for any man.
In Obama's view, being a father is no less important than being president.
A study in the United States shows that more than 70% of criminals in the United States come from families that lack paternal education. This shows how important fatherly love is to children.
According to the ancients, if the son is not the fault of the godfather, do not think that everything will be all right if you leave the child with the mother. Studies have proved that fathers have more advantages over their children in terms of character related to independence, such as a sense of responsibility, law-abiding, bravery and tenacity.
Sun Yunxiao, an education expert, said that the growth of children is an one-way train, which is completely irreversible. If the father does not establish a close attachment relationship with the child before the age of 12, the child's future sense of security and happiness will be affected.
Especially for the father of fraudulent cadaver parenting, you miss the best time to accompany your child to grow up, and it is very difficult to make up for it in the future.
When a child calls you Dad, you have the responsibility to educate him, not to allow him to grow up freely. You will still be harming yourself in the future.
04
I was born as a kindergarten teacher and have ten years of experience in preschool education. today, I would like to share with you how fathers should accompany their children to grow up.
one. Do more exercise with your children. Father is more suitable to take his children to outdoor sports, playing football, basketball, running are very conducive to children's growth of sports, physical fitness can also improve the relationship between father and son.
two. Go home immediately after work. The prime time that father and child spend together is before dinner. During this period, father and child can play a game, have a chat, and have a parent-child interaction, which is conducive to the cultivation of children's good character.
three. Please put down the phone in front of the child, some fathers take care of the child, always like to play with the phone while perfunctory children, or take the child to look at the phone together. This will not only hurt the child's eyes, but also affect the child's mental ability, low-quality companionship is not conducive to the child's physical and mental health.
four. Dads should teach their children to be brave. In families where mothers are left to take care of their children alone for a long time, their children are always cowardly and timid. Fathers should teach their children to be brave and strong, have a sense of responsibility, become more and more courageous, and forge ahead courageously. This is the meaning of fathers accompanying their children.
5. Take the initiative to help children with their homework. The father should accompany the child to do his homework, and what the child does not understand can be answered in time, rather than pushed to the mother. Practice has proved that the father can accompany the child to study, and can develop the child's good study habit.
I hope dads can achieve the above five points, stop saying how busy you are at work, and remember that no success can make up for the failure of education!
No matter how busy you are, even if you spend 15 minutes with your child every day, if you stick to it for half a year, you will find that your child will really become more and more sensible.
I remember once I asked my child, what do you think a good father should be like? The child said in a milky voice, put down the phone and hug me. At that moment, I burst into tears.
I think a really good husband will not be invisible, and a good father will never cheat a corpse.
Companionship is the best love for children, but I hope mom and dad do it together, not mother alone.
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