My former chairman is a well-known entrepreneur and educator. The old lady, who is over 70, has now retired and settled in the United States with her son, who has become a scientist.
When returning home to visit relatives, the local county government specially invited the old lady to give a free education report to thousands of local teachers, students and parents.
Affectionately known as Mama Liu, she was the first ten outstanding mothers in China 15 years ago. There are many successful experiences in parenting methods. Coupled with the fact that they have settled abroad in recent years, baptized by advanced parenting ideas and continuous learning, many views on parenting become more distinct.
At the meeting, she bluntly pointed out the taboos of many families on their children's education. she called on thousands of parents and friends in the education sector to refrain from copying this problem to the next generation from generation to generation.
She said: there is one thing in this world that can do more harm than good, and that is to lose your temper. The same is true of educating children.
Why don't you lose your temper?
1. One point of temper and seven points of harm
Experts in the education sector pointed out that poverty will not lead to the failure of education, but mental abuse will certainly create a problem child.
Letting a child live in mental abuse is like putting her in the chains of a lifetime of pain. Many parents blame their children's willfulness, disobedience and mischief on their children. in fact, behind every problem child, there must be a problem parent. this is an iron rule.
Almost all children's problems are parents' problems, but many parents do not want to see their own problems and always try their best to fix their children.
It is inevitable that spiritual children will move towards a negative and pessimistic world if they are subjected to mental abuse.
2. Bad temper will be inherited
What kind of environment, what kind of children. Parents who love to lose their temper teach their children to be rebellious, paranoid, sensitive, fragile and aggressive. After the child grows up, the temper is also very grumpy, the person is harsh, serious is likely to have sexual perversion, neurotic tendency.
When such children grow up and become parents, they will inherit the bad temper of their parents and vent their injuries and copy violence. At this time, the next generation of young children become the victims of a bad temper.
As Montessori said: every character defect is caused by the misfortune of childhood.
3. Bad temper is the strongest killing weapon in parent-child relationship.
Bad temper, so that children do not dare to be close, do not dare to open their hearts to you, always in worry and fear, without sense of security, there will be a variety of problems in the growth.
There are many such examples: the more grumpy the parents are, the more naughty the child is; the more angry the parents are, the more difficult it is for the child to manage; as the parent's temper escalates, the child's bad behavior grows.
There was a little boy next door who was very naughty and difficult to control. Later, his father tied him up and beat him with a rope, but the child was not beaten and became well-behaved. He did not go to school at all until the third grade.
Parents' ideological education fell into a strange inertia. He thought it was useless to yell at the child, so he had to scold him; if he didn't scold him enough, he began to fight, and then he followed a stick to make a filial son.
In fact, he doesn't know that he is going in the opposite direction, and the stronger he is, the worse the situation will be.
Adults should give their children more room for patience, tolerance and trust. Although watching children make mistakes without correcting them immediately is a test of parents' endurance, we should believe that children have the ability to correct themselves.
People's growth is a process of continuous self-reflection and self-correction, and we should respect children's right to enjoy this process.
A way to change a bad temper
1. Replace losing your temper with communication
Losing your temper casually is like throwing rubbish everywhere, which is very bad behavior. Children should not be the trash can of our negative emotions. Instead of getting angry, we should communicate well.
For example, when you see that your child hasn't finished his homework, don't yell and get angry: why haven't you written it yet? I know how to play every day! Wait. Will the child do his homework well because of this? Of course not, children will be more resistant to homework.
If you want to achieve the desired effect, you can say something like this: I'm really sorry that you didn't finish your homework on time. If you can finish your homework in half an hour, I will feel very happy.
Express your wishes directly, and if the child does so, his or her emotions and feelings, educate the child with empathy, and let the feelings flow smoothly. In doing so, children are more likely to accept the advice and discipline of their parents.
The effect of reasonable education in education is much better than that of fury. Let the home be full of emotion and communication, rather than violence and rebuke.
Parents seem to improve their temper in order to better educate their children, but in fact they are the ones who benefit in the end. When we learn to get along with our emotions, the happiness and happiness of life will be within reach.
2. Think quietly and face your emotions truthfully
Blindly repressing and restraining one's temper is not the best way. Emotions cannot be suppressed, and repressed emotions eventually erupt in a more out-of-control state.
The real thing is to learn to face your emotions sincerely and realize that my own emotions are not well managed and have nothing to do with my children.
When she was in a business, the old lady had a successful experience in dealing with her temper, that is, whenever something went wrong, she would tap out her thoughts in the office against a computer or notebook. After all the anger, grievances and bad temper were written out, my heart was calmed down a lot.
This is not only an act of cherishing ourselves, but also a practical way to deal with emotions efficiently, allowing our minds to free up more memory space to do meaningful things, and the effect is very good.
3. Learn to express your emotions truly and dredge them in time.
I have a classmate who is recognized as having a good temper and never gets angry after being a mother. She said that the reason why she never gets angry is that she often expresses her emotions with her family.
She said that no matter what happens outside, whether scolded by the boss or misunderstood by friends, as long as she goes home to talk to her lover, she will regain her peace of mind and never worry about bringing negative emotions to her children.
When a person is angry and angry, as long as you give her a strong hug, listen attentively and affirm her feelings, you will be able to bring strength and comfort to each other. Once the other person's emotions are released and expressed, they will naturally be calm and gentle.
The same is true for children.
After the child has done something wrong and has been wronged, he does not need to blame, complain, beat and scold, but to be understood, loved and listened. only when the child empties out the garbage in his heart can he really put into your good advice and instruction.
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