Wang Yangming said: people must have the heart for themselves before they can restrain themselves; only when they can restrain themselves can they become themselves.
Self-cultivation is the first step in Chinese philosophy of life, and the first step in self-cultivation is restraint.
People need to have a heart to review themselves in order to restrain their desires; to be able to restrain their desires in order to achieve their own achievement.
1. The most important quality of a person is the ability to restrain one's emotions
An American research institute once spent decades conducting an experiment.
The researchers put some good and different quality apples on the kindergarten table and let the children get them themselves.
Among them, many children go to grab those good apples and big apples; a small number of children wait until everyone has finished grabbing them to eat the leftover small apples; and a few children do not pay attention to the apples they have not snatched at all.
Decades later, the results of the institute's follow-up survey came as a surprise to most people at the time:
A few people who did not care about eating apples became important officials of the government; let everyone grab first, and the small number of people who ate the rest became leaders and backbones; as for those children who rushed to grab apples, they were mediocre and achieved nothing.
This experiment tells us that people who know how to restrain their emotions for the sake of the overall situation are generally able to do great things. Different degrees of emotional restraint reflects the level of a person's emotional quotient. The higher the EQ, the more you can restrain your feelings.
Six years after the apocalypse, Yuan Chonghuan sent a delegation to mourn Nurhachi, celebrate Huang Taiji's accession to the throne, and planned to negotiate with Hou Jin.
His father, Wang Zaining, was injured and died by Yuan Chonghuan. Yuan even sent a delegation to express his condolences hypocritically. It was really too much to deceive others, and it was unbearable to be familiar with it.
However, Huang Taiji put up with it.
He not only put up with it, but also received Yuan Chonghuan's delegation with the highest standards. They not only enjoyed eating and serving, but also tried their best to find something fun to play for more than a month, sent horses and sheep when they left, and finally waved goodbye to the messengers with a big smile on their faces.
This means that a more terrible enemy than Nurhachi has emerged. In order to maintain peace and recuperation, Huang Taiji did not hesitate to restrain his fierce anger and unwilling humiliation, and lowered his eyebrow to deal with the delegations sent by the Ming Dynasty.
As stated in the book "those things of the Ming Dynasty", those who understand violence are strong, and those who know how to restrain violence are powerful.
Every time you restrain your emotions, you are stronger than ever.
Second, people who know how to restrain themselves will not be too popular.
There is a saying in the Policy of the warring States that a gentleman will never make an evil sound. It means that a good beginning does not necessarily end well. Once they break up in discord, most gentlemen can restrain themselves, do not slander each other, hold a grudge, or utter evil words, so as to reap good popularity.
I have seen some people who will not restrain their emotions after having conflicts with their leaders because of some trivial matters, pat the table, scold them loudly, and finally lose both sides, pack up their things and leave. From then on, if we meet again in the field of business communication, there will be only embarrassment and disgust between the two, and the friendship of the past will disappear.
But I have also seen couples around me after quarrelling and breaking up, the man has been emphasizing with his buddies that we broke up not because of her problems, on the contrary, she is considerate and often gives me advice, and she leads me to become a better myself.
The woman also only talks about each other's advantages, as for the friction and conflict between the two people or who is right and who is wrong, they do not talk about it. Even if you break up, you can still be friends calmly.
This kind of character of self-restraint has the genial character of spring breeze, putting oneself in the shoes of others, never fiercely confronting other people's views and opinions, magnanimous understanding, calm and tolerant, and even more cold of the winter breeze, analyzing oneself calmly and directly. always keep the habit of restraint, learn to be cautious and independent, don't look into the past, don't think about the past and evil.
Popularity is difficult, but people who know how to restrain themselves know that words hurt people, so they seldom talk about human differences, so everyone is willing to have a heart-to-heart relationship with him, so contacts can be expanded.
Third, only those who can restrain themselves can achieve themselves.
The French writer Hugo once said that he is wise who knows to control himself at the right time.
In the Ming Dynasty, Wang Tingxiang told a story when he met the new imperial history.
It began to rain when I was riding in a sedan chair yesterday, and a sedan chair driver wore a new pair of shoes on his feet. At first, he carefully chose a dry and quiet place to walk, for fear of getting his shoes dirty by stepping into a puddle.
After a while he inevitably stepped into the mud puddle, and from then on he no longer took care of his new shoes and stepped on them carelessly.
The reason is that when the sedan chair man's shoes are new, he only wants to take good care of them; once he steps into the mud puddle, the psychology of breaking cans appears: anyway, the shoes are dirty, so I don't have to be careful.
This short story means that people who are officials in the world today are trembling and treading on thin ice at the beginning of taking office, lest they should be criticized for what they have done badly.
However, after being an official for a period of time, the temptation of money, power and color gradually increases, but after tasting a little bit of sweetness, it will be difficult to quit addiction, and integrity becomes just words.
When Bao Zheng was governor of Duanzhou, he actively rectified the administration of officials, cracked down on corruption, and did a lot of good things to benefit the people. By the time he left office, he politely declined even the good inkstone sent by the local people, insisting on not going home with one inkstone.
Therefore, only officials who can restrain their desires can win the hearts and minds of the people, become famous in history, and achieve their ultimate goal of self-cultivation and governing the country.
Venting desires and succumbing to desires are not done by gentlemen. In such an era of flamboyant personality, perhaps restraint is the virtue we lack, which helps us to achieve ourselves and gallop our lives.
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