Close at hand, close to each other

You stand respectfully in front of me, but I feel that we are close at hand, but we are far apart.

When you see me, you always smile. No matter how sad you are, always give me a smile. But I thought you really laughed at me instead of forcing me to smile. Because I never think that in your world, there are also joys and sorrows. I, who only care about myself, never want to understand you.

You are always cautious to me lest you say a wrong word and upset me. I thought you should do this, because you are a student, you have to do this to me. I never knew that you were submissive on the surface, but in your heart you were extremely dismissive of me. Because your young heart is full of thoughts, but you try your best to be gentle and tame in front of me, and you never tell me what you really think.

You obey me respectfully and never resist my orders, even if you don't want to, you still pretend to be full of joy. You disguised your personality in order to listen less to my reprimand. I am used to your apparent deference, and when you occasionally refute me carefully, I will be furious with the thunder, criticize you with the storm, and judge you by surprise. I'm used to thinking of myself as a principle, and you have to obey.

If you can't do one thing well, I will lose face and criticize you in front of everyone. And you are not angry, but busy with no, old Ben, I am wrong, all blame me, make you angry. I don't know, when you do everything, you do your best, and you are not a fairy, so it is inevitable that you will make mistakes. However, I am used to seeing you as an omniscient person, and I do not allow the slightest mistake.

When you are misunderstood by me, I have a conscience from time to time to tell you that I am sorry. You always say, Ben, it's okay. I understand. After hearing this, I felt relieved that you were so understanding. In fact, I don't know how painful your heart is. You once believed me so much, but you misunderstood you so much and put all the sins on your head without asking questions. It's not that you don't want to make excuses, but in front of me arbitrarily, you know that all excuses will only increase my dissatisfaction with you.

After you were demoted by me, you were still full of service for the class, running up and down, before and after the saddle, never complaining that you were tired. Just because you are used to doing things for the class. I don't know, in fact, in the depths of your heart, how tormented you have been. You also have strong self-esteem, and you also want to save face in front of your classmates. But all I can give is criticism and negation, which makes you ashamed in front of your classmates. However, your principle of meddling is always broken by the demands of your classmates, and you are always willing to help your classmates do things.

And now, you stand in front of me, respectfully, with a smile, but close to the horizon.

My heart hurts so much that I suddenly feel the cold in the heights. This kind of height is not raised by you, but because I put my feet too high.

After wandering in the world for a long time, the pressure of work and life made me so tired that I couldn't tell the difference between the east, the south and the west. I was frightened and defended everywhere by the evils of society and people I experienced, coupled with the unsatisfactory everywhere and the troubles year after year. I lost myself. I made a thick and solid cocoon that surrounded my heart. I fortified everywhere, always careful, covered with thorns, just so that I wouldn't get hurt. But I do not know, once pure-hearted you have been hurt by me all over the body. It's just that I never paid attention.

I hid my tenderness in the deepest part of my heart until I got used to its absence and finally lost it. In front of you, I am just used to doing things according to the rules, acting according to the law, always taking reason as the principle, and never acting emotionally. So, you think I have no feelings, I'm just a school machine. Therefore, you never dare to open your heart to me, because you are afraid of the lack of gentle me, do not understand your young feelings.

I put my honesty out of my mind, let them wander in the clouds, and finally slowly dispersed. In front of you, I am used to orders, and I do not know that you are still not used to obeying. I only regard the relationship between you and me as a relationship between the top and the bottom. I never thought that you were actually around me. Many times, you walk behind me and want to tell me how confused you are when you are young. But the emotional you are not sure, this arrogant and strong appearance of the old class can still have warm warmth.

I replaced my enthusiasm with indifference. I thought that by pretending to be indifferent, I could have authority in front of you, so that you thought the indifferent old class was the real me. Once in a while you were flattered by my enthusiasm for you, and you kept asking me carefully, Ben, if I had done something wrong. This sentence makes me lose my heart like ten thousand ants. I really don't know how to answer you. I asked myself, where on earth is the real me? The two figures in my heart are shaking, both true and false, clear and dark, and even I can't tell which is the real me.

I keep a straight face and pretend to be serious, in fact, because I often have a lot on my mind. And sometimes you happen to bump into my gunpowder, so you are confused after being criticized. In fact, I also want to smile comfortably, enjoy the joy of life, feel the joy of life, face to face with you, gently make a joke. However, I always live in trouble, either at school or at home, or in my own heart. Therefore, I always keep a straight face, only the upper floor forced to look for sorrow, forget their own real life, is to pursue happiness and happiness.

Now, your respectful standing makes me feel really lonely, you are close at hand, but far away from me.

It's not that you don't want to come near me, but because you have approached me several times, but I keep you away with indifference. You wanted to stick to my cold heart with youthful enthusiasm, but I pushed you away without even thinking about it. You have been deliberately rejected by me again and again, and you have become only in awe of me and no longer have a sense of closeness.

I'm sorry, you who have been hurt by me several times are still protecting me. Your existence, let me know that there is sincerity in the world; your simplicity, let me understand that there is a pure land in society; your persistence, let me know that I can go back to the shore. I am willing to put away all the thorns for you and be a gentle self. In the heart-to-heart communication, feel the touch of life; in the integration of love and love, forget the sadness of life.

I will seriously correct the dislocation, put down my posture, find my warmth, try to build a bridge with you, and reposition the relationship between you and me in an equal dialogue. I know, as kind as you, will always slowly accept my change. I want to through you, feel the passion of youth, high-spirited passion, affectionate feelings of youth, pull me out of the trivialities of life, and feel the beauty of life together.

I look forward to one day, you are no longer careful with me, you can joke with me freely; no longer fortified, express your true feelings; open the window of your heart and tell your young feelings and confusion. I sincerely look forward to holding up the hands of your youth, feel the power of your youth, and jointly create the glory of tomorrow.

Author: Guo Dongqin