The more independent a woman is, the freer her marriage is.

-01-

Last night, a reader left me a message:

"Xiao Pan, when I am middle-aged, I basically have nothing but my own child. During the quarrel that day, my husband roared angrily. He earned everything in the family and had nothing to do with me!

The relationship between us has long been as light as water. I was desperate when I quarreled, but when I was humiliated and scolded by him, I didn't even have the courage to mention a divorce to him. Do you think my life is too miserable? "

Her despair and helplessness to life between the lines made me tremble. Yes, is it very miserable when your life is so compromising that you dare not even mention a divorce?

Some people say that if a woman makes every effort to invest in a man in the most important years, then for the next few decades, you will keep begging this man not to leave you!

Life is a rope, always lead us by the nose, in the years of our difficult trek, everyone will have their own story. I can't give a negative answer to this question, because such a day is really miserable.

-02-

I have a friend named Litchi, a stay-at-home mother in her 30s. I should say that she hasn't come out to work since she and her husband got married.

I often see her posting pictures of various years in her moments, good morning greetings every morning, different delicious delicacies every night, as well as pictures of children and husbands. It seems that marriage and life are very happy.

A few days ago, I helped my friends share some small electronic products from my friend's company on Wechat moments. I saw that I liked it very much. I immediately called to say that I wanted to order one, and then said that I would go back and ask my husband in the evening. finally, in the evening, lychee called me and said:

"I don't want that thing yet. I'll talk about it later. My husband won't approve it!"

I was dumbfounded at that time, not because she didn't buy anything, but because she felt sad for her because my husband didn't approve.

A woman gives up everything she is willing to have children for a man, takes care of the children at home every day, is willing to wash and cook for him, and finally even wants to buy a small thing that is not expensive and she likes very much, but she still has to be approved by the man's nod!

-03-

Recently, there has been a sudden change in the painting style in the circle of friends of Litchi, which is no longer pictures of various tastes of life, but has been replaced by all kinds of dark soul chicken soup and constantly complaining and complaining.

It was not until recently that she got together with another group of mutual friends to know that she was getting divorced from her family's once "model husband".

Life is always full of ups and downs, fate is always twists and turns, life is a journey full of unknown, you never know when accidents and changes will come.

I don't know when Litchi's good husband has become a stingy and cruel scum man who is cheating on a young female colleague in his company. and at the moment of divorce, all the property of the company and the family has been transferred quietly in advance.

In this world, only the money in your pocket will never betray you, but in the face of these sudden changes, the cash-strapped litchi can only be in chaos.

For a woman who lives on love, once her love is gone, she will feel that the whole world has collapsed and even life has lost its meaning.

Lychee, who has long been out of touch with society, even humbly cried and begged her husband, she can turn a blind eye, she can not interfere in his affairs outside, just do not divorce her.

To put it bluntly, she really doesn't know what to live on when she is divorced.

It was not until his day-to-night husband suddenly revealed his ferocious face that litchi suddenly realized that on the seemingly safe but actually unstable boat of marriage, a full-time wife without any financial sources, she was really humble to the dust when she was abandoned.

Because when a woman tries her best to give everything for a man, what awaits her is not necessarily a beautiful life full of flowers, but also a tragic outcome of being thrown out.

-04-

I once read such a short story that in a porridge shop where business was good, there was a woman in her thirties. Her clothes were fashionable, but the makeup on her face could not hide her tiredness. She quickly found a vacant seat and ordered a Minced Pork Congee with Preserved Egg.

When the porridge was served, the woman stirred a few times in the bowl, then stood up and called the boss:

"Boss, why is there no meat in your Minced Pork Congee with Preserved Egg?"

The boss smiled and said:

"the meat has long been boiled, so there is no meat to be seen."

But the woman did not relent, she thought it was the boss's fault, the boss did not put meat in the porridge at all, the quarrel between the two became more and more intense, and finally the woman began to cry.

Several guests on the side really couldn't bear to watch, so they pulled the woman by the sleeve and said:

"well, it's just a bowl of porridge. I'll order you another one with meat so as not to make such a fuss."

The woman wiped her tears and said:

"that's not what I'm crying about. I'm sad that I'm in my thirties, but I'm still haggling over a bowl of porridge. This is not the life I want at all. When can I live like this?"

When you are humiliated in your marriage but dare not speak out; when you are desperate about your marriage but do not even have the courage to divorce; when you haggle with your boss for a few pieces of meat in the porridge shop, it is really sad.

And the root of all this is very simple, you have no money!

How important is money to women? I remember Hepburn said, woman, if you can choose between money and sex appeal, choose money. When you are old, money will make you sexy.

Without economic independence, personality cannot be independent.

Only a woman who is financially independent does not have to flatter a man by lowering her eyebrows to buy a coat, lipstick and bag.

If a woman only regards herself as a vassal of the family, then everything will have to wait for others to give alms. Only when you have your own career can you have the right to dialogue on an equal footing.

-05-

I like Liu Xiaoqing's saying that what a woman earns with her own hands really belongs to you. Only living in the house you bought and driving the car you bought is the most secure, because at this time no one dares to say to you, "get out!"

Money, house and car can only bring a part of sense of security to a woman, whether she is married or single.

In the long run, a woman's sense of security will always have a sense of self-achievement, have existence value to others and society, and know who they are, what they can do, and the meaning of life.

Women can not ask for independence in the kitchen, economic freedom is the basis for the pursuit of independence.

Only when you are financially independent, can material calmness slow down your pace of marriage and love, and stop wanting to marry a pot like a big girl, no matter what material is in the pot.

So that you can confidently say to yourself when you encounter a marital accident:

"I am not afraid of divorce. Even if I get out of the house, I can still support myself, raise my children and take care of my family. Even one person can have enough strength to face the unknown days in the future."

And the source of all this depends on your own financial ability.

When you have the financial ability to leave any man at any time and live the life you want, you can say that your personality is as independent as your economy.

To learn to be an independent woman, you should not only trust your lover's ability, but also have the ability to ensure your own survival.

Never try to live with a man, no one will be passionate about parasites forever.