01
When my mother was young, she fried peanuts in hot oil, so the peanuts were not crisp, soft and delicious. When we were young, our brothers and sisters ate like this and didn't think anything.
When you grow up, after eating out, you will know that you should stir-fry it with cold oil. It is crispy and delicious.
So I went home and told my mother, but my mother refused to stir-fry with cold oil and insisted on using hot oil.
My brothers and sisters and my father all asked my mother to change it, but my mother was determined not to change it.
Decades later, my mother still fried the soft peanuts in hot oil, which made me miss it very much. I have never eaten the peanuts fried by her old man after walking so far.
However, over the past few decades, our family has had a hard time, and our brothers and sisters want to change my mother, of course, not just fried peanuts, but also a lot of things that people can't stand.
My father also wanted to change my mother, but he didn't do anything until he died. My brother and sister-in-law are still struggling to change my mother all her life. Now, it's absolutely impossible.
Of course, my mother also wants to change my sister-in-law, but how is that possible? you can't change yourself. Why is my sister-in-law changed by my mother?
Until one of my sister-in-law died, she didn't change anything.
My sister-in-law wanted to change my brother, spent her whole life, but failed to achieve her goal. They always fight with a knife, but they don't even use their mouth.
Even if the cut is bloody, no one has been changed.
02
As their youngest brother, I witnessed a lot of sadness and despair in their marriage, the deep hurt caused by the attempt to change each other, mutual hatred, mutual resentment.
It is innumerable and shocking.
My sister-in-law died in her early fifties, and her friend, my brother, the man who had hurt her for most of her life, sat alone with her body all night.
In fact, they love each other very much. I have witnessed their efforts for love before marriage, but how can they live like this when they live?
Neither of these two enemies has changed the other.
As well as my other relatives, they all spend their whole life trying to change each other and let them live according to their own standards, and the end result is a lose-lose plus fiasco.
Our family has spent all our lives practicing and testing the truth that changing ourselves is God and changing others is a psychopath.
This was summed up by a very savvy believer. Once, he asked me some questions, and I told him some truth about the Dharma, and he concluded with great genius, "Oh, I see. What you mean is:"
Changing oneself is a god, changing others is a psychopath.
What a genius in the folk.
03
My brother and sister-in-law want to change my nephews, because when I was young, they wanted to change me, outrageous, how can I let them change.
It was not until I was away from home and wandering around the world that they gave up changing my mind. However, when I made a phone call once in a while, they would tell me not to do this or anything like that. I was just perfunctory.
I have not been changed, of course, my nephews have not been changed, they have also learned to be perfunctory, this is grown up, sensible, before is rebellion.
I also thought about changing my nephews, and the result can be imagined.
When my sister-in-law died, my brother and I met. Although we didn't talk much, what else did we say when we lived at this point?
However, our hearts tell each other, forget it, in this world, we can't change anything.
We can only change ourselves.
Really, whoever is not convinced will come.
Our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind perceive the world, the so-called color, sound, fragrance and touch, is a process that operates according to the strict law of cause and effect, karma originates, a bit like a projector projecting our lives on the wall, we mistakenly think that there is a world we are facing.
The image projected on the wall cannot be changed, and smashing the wall will not change the image.
We can only change the source file, and the image on the wall changes.
Everyone can only rely on internal change, reduce the ego, or even completely let go of the ego, just as we each change our own source files, the image can be changed, the previous image can never be changed.
Fortunately, those images are impermanent and illusory.
However, the following fantasy life, do not change the source documents, will become more and more miserable, there is no suspense tragedy, there is no limit to pain.
My parents have lived a miserable life, and my brothers and sisters and sisters-in-law have also lived a miserable life.
I also had a painful life for most of my life, and the hardest day was when I started a company to do business and management. what a dark day it was, even among my closest relatives, it was impossible to change others.
Until, one day, I gave up the idea of changing someone, and even the slightest such idea did not give it a foothold.
Life began to feel a little easier, to feel a little bit of happiness in life, to feel a little bit of happiness and dignity born as a human being.
04
In this world, we just need to change ourselves, to love, to be compassionate, to be wise.
However, to those relatives, colleagues and colleagues who turned against each other at that time, how guilty I am, how can I compensate and repent for the harm and pain I have brought to others?
Now, I finally understand that my so-called management, so-called groups and so-called ideas are actually ego in disguise.
Want to control, want to possess, want to change others, so, there will be oppression between people, Shi En map, hypocritical fraud, exchange of interests, moral coercion, and even all kinds of mind control.
Not to change others does not mean not to do good construction, but to know how to give time and space to others, be considerate, understand, respect and love others, and do not need any reason to crush others or bully others.
I can really realize that I am doing this as a good excuse for you to change others, in fact, it is a manifestation of selfishness and ignorance.
Only when we awaken the motivation of inner self-change with compassion and wisdom can we have the possibility of change and awakening.
To change others is to oppress and manage others, and to oppress others. Where there is oppression, there is resistance.
05
Some of the arguments in modern management are correct, but in practice, many of them are more and more bitter, tragic, crazy, and neurotic, just like my family tragedy.
It is not that there is something wrong with the theory, but because of the lack of a compassionate lover's heart, it is to control and take advantage of the human heart, so any good method will become toxic.
Later, I realized that only lovers, no care for others, only equality of all beings, no out-of-control power and lust for interests.
Love others, everything has the possibility of straightening out, manage others, all the injuries have a chance.
Only by changing ourselves, thoroughly putting aside the attempt to change others, and putting down all kinds of reasonable and unreasonable standards in our hearts, can we see ourselves better, have the opportunity to understand our loved ones, and learn to love them. in order to balance and deal with all kinds of careers in the world and in the world.
It is really worth thinking deeply about life, changing oneself is a god, changing others is a psychopath.
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